Prologue
"Congratulations, Mrs. Wheeler, it's a boy! A very...peculiar boy..." The doctor told me on the day of our son's birth. I didn't understand what he ment untill he handed the little bundle wraped in a light blue blanket to me. My husband, Joseph, and I looked at our little pride and joy with all the shock that you wouldn't expect in a couple of new parents. What I held in my arms was not of flesh or blood. It was a tiny metal form with big eyes, no nose, and a tiny mouth. I'm not sure how it happened, but I gave birth to a robot!
"Eh, Sweetheart? ...Uhh...have you been...doin' anything that I should know 'bout at all?"
"I don't know!" I looked up at the doctor. "Do you have any idea what could have happened?"
"Well,..." He looked over at our child. "Have you had any strong feelings with something that wasn't of your...species...at all?"
"SPECIES?! This ain' no animal, doc! It looks more like she gave birth to a walkin', talkin' piece of metal! Like a-"
"Robot!" My husband and the doctor said in unison.
"Well,...I have been obsesing over this show called, "Invader Zim" that has a robot named Gir in it."
"And have you had strong feelings for this, "Gir" character?"
"Yeah..." I looked at the sleeping bundle. He looked exactly like him in every way: from the antenna on his head down to his little robot legs! He was Gir! Oh, crap...!
Ch. 1
"Uh, Felicia?"
"Yeah?"
"How do I get 'em to stop crying, again?!" Joey yelled at me through little Gir's crying.
"Just give him another tacho!"
"Ok, but I swear, you're spoiling the kid!"
"That's what he likes!"
He took a tacho from the hot plate and gently ease it into Gir's mouth. Thank God for Tacho Bell! The second Gir's little robot teeth bit into the crunchy bread, he immediately stopped crying! Gir's been home for the past month (he was sent home the next day because the doctor's didn't know how to take care of a robot newborn) and for some reason, he ws already going through his teething proccess! In the beginning, we weren't sure of what to feed him. We tried formula, but he thought it was disgusting; baby food, milk,...breastmilk, but nothing semed to work! Then we tried things the character liked on the show. So far he only likes two things (which we only tried): tachos and Poop Cola (which was very hard to find!)
After Joey finally got Gir settled for his afternoon nap, he took me by the hand into his room.
"Look at 'em. Our little bundle of joy: asleep." He sighed. "Finally!"
"He's so adorable! Joey, I know he doesn't look like us, but..doesn't he resemble us in some way?"
"How?"
"...I don't know." I smiled.
"I have no idea how we're gonna do 'dis, but I can't wait to teach 'em all he needs to know!"
"I know." I sighed and gave Joey a kiss on the cheek. He put a hand under my chin and lifted my head to his for a kiss. I kissed back. We've been married for three years (three glorious years) and there are times when we still act like newlyweds! We've been together, apart, close, not close, but still manage to love each other uncondicionally. Three glorious years...
Our little alone time was broken by the sounds of Gir sqwirming in his crib. We went over to check if he was ok and he was laying there crunched together like a little ball. Joey lowered the gate of the crib and carefully picked Gir up, being weary of his little kicks.
"Hey...what's up, little guy?" He whispred to him. Gir slowly opened his eyes to look up at his dad.
"Hey, sweetie!" He looked at me. After a moment of nothingness from blinking once, Gir started to sqwirm again. Then, out of nowhere, it just came out.
"...DOOKEY!!!!"
Ch. 2
After that little incident with Gir's first word, our little prince of the house started to grow more and more-a little too fast to be normal. Out of his normal eating habits, Gir had more of a taste for various different things: cookies, burgers, candy...human related food. But much to our dismay, he decided to try things that weren't considered to be, "edible". Toys, shoes, wires...live fish... He became so obsessinve over food to the point that when me and Joey were teaching him how to walk, instead of walking to me, he walked an inch away from me-toward a bag of cookies.
"Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, LOOOK!" Gir yelled to me one day that we all went shopping. Instead of waiting for us, he ran inside the store. When we found him through the bundles of clothing racks, you could probably guess what he was holding...
"Mommy, I WAANT IIIT!! Can I have it, PWEEEESE??!! He was holding up the signature doggy costume. Ever since then, it was, at times, walking around with his costume on or walking around, "naked".
As the days went on, we started to get used to Gir's..."weiredness", I should't really say that because I'm weired myself! I ment his appetite, his outbursts, BIG outbursts, his sleeping habbits and his new litle friend: a pig. We decided to take a trip to a farm one day and he became friends with one of the pigs to the side (besides all the rest of them). Now it's Pig visits, Pig hanging out, Pig sleep overs, or...my least favorite, Pig leaving traces of mud everywhere. Eww.
