This is a piece of stream of consciousness fiction.
This story was cobbled together from three different "napkin stories", as I call them- IE, little stories I write on napkins or other scraps of paper at work. I took out the parts I liked best from unfinished stories, pasted them together, and filled in the gaps. Due to this it is a bit inferior to other things I've written but I am still fond of it.
Avon is the narrator. This is, more or less, a "letter" to his boyfriend\common law husband, Kadomaru.
Avon (C) me
Kadomaru (C) Astrid
~~~~~
I've not changed a bit, even if I'd like to believe I have. Do you realize that? It's sad, but I do have to bow my head to defeat. Despite my grand attempts, I am still as much of a whore as I always was. And you know that, don't you?
Oh, no, I've not done any of those detestable things in quite a while. I've not given myself away to any woman in ages, nor to any man besides you for that matter. I've not engaged in any orgies, not even a threeway. I haven't even been to a peep show. But the most interesting part, I think, is that my desire to do any of these things is simply not there anymore. It's true that I still have my fantasies, but the thought of putting them into reality isn't nearly as compelling as it used to be. In fact, I still have only given my special spot to you. I intend to always keep it this way.
It's almost as if I've grown out of it, if that's even possible. Is that possible? What sort of tainted incubus am I?
Well, don't answer that. I know my blood isn't pure. That is how we can be together, right? That is how I can give myself to a man without suffering the terrible death and defeat any purebred incubus would.
What I want to know most of all is... does it make me pathetic that you are my everything? Maybe this is why I don't desire the depravity anymore. Maybe I'm but worthless and dependant. But at the very least, before you I was worth absolutely nothing. I was worth less than nothing. But now I feel as if I make some contribution on the world. Hopefully I make an impact on you.
I'm stupid. I'm illiterate. I can be very simple minded on many things, and I'm far from cultured. I may quite possibly be a boozehound. I'm sorry for this. I wish... I wish I could be more perfect for you.
I wish I could be more attractive for you. I wish I could be half as handsome as you. And most of all, I wish I could stop envying you.
I appreciate all you've done for me, even if I've been bitter towards you. I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I have been. Not that I'm saying you don't respect me- as you do, despite what others say- but I do wish you'd be more fair. That's the thing. I don't know quite how to say how unfair you're being without sounding like a rather indecisive prick.
The main point though is that I don't think you understand who and what I am. It's difficult to, I will give you that, but my status, my position in this world cannot be changed. You are my alpha, and I accept that. But despite being a beta, I do need specific care. I must sometimes be allowed control.
It is for my body, and my mind. It is for my sanity. It is for so many things that are far expanded beyond just simple lust.
Just bend slightly for me, and I will never break.
It is with this request, my love, if you will accept it, that I am yours. From this point forth, I pledge myself to you. If you will allow me every so often, to top you, I shall be loyal always for as long as I have you and you are around. I will do as you wish. I will be your servant. Your slave. Your loyal little slut. My body is yours. My mind is yours. And in any case I ever earn a soul, that will be forever yours as well. Do you understand my attachment to you? I quite literally give you me. I quite literally allow you ownership of my very soul. I allow you to make me what I am, a pure object.
But you will never treat me that way, despite what others see.
And this is what I love best about you.
This story was cobbled together from three different "napkin stories", as I call them- IE, little stories I write on napkins or other scraps of paper at work. I took out the parts I liked best from unfinished stories, pasted them together, and filled in the gaps. Due to this it is a bit inferior to other things I've written but I am still fond of it.
Avon is the narrator. This is, more or less, a "letter" to his boyfriend\common law husband, Kadomaru.
Avon (C) me
Kadomaru (C) Astrid
~~~~~
I've not changed a bit, even if I'd like to believe I have. Do you realize that? It's sad, but I do have to bow my head to defeat. Despite my grand attempts, I am still as much of a whore as I always was. And you know that, don't you?
Oh, no, I've not done any of those detestable things in quite a while. I've not given myself away to any woman in ages, nor to any man besides you for that matter. I've not engaged in any orgies, not even a threeway. I haven't even been to a peep show. But the most interesting part, I think, is that my desire to do any of these things is simply not there anymore. It's true that I still have my fantasies, but the thought of putting them into reality isn't nearly as compelling as it used to be. In fact, I still have only given my special spot to you. I intend to always keep it this way.
It's almost as if I've grown out of it, if that's even possible. Is that possible? What sort of tainted incubus am I?
Well, don't answer that. I know my blood isn't pure. That is how we can be together, right? That is how I can give myself to a man without suffering the terrible death and defeat any purebred incubus would.
What I want to know most of all is... does it make me pathetic that you are my everything? Maybe this is why I don't desire the depravity anymore. Maybe I'm but worthless and dependant. But at the very least, before you I was worth absolutely nothing. I was worth less than nothing. But now I feel as if I make some contribution on the world. Hopefully I make an impact on you.
I'm stupid. I'm illiterate. I can be very simple minded on many things, and I'm far from cultured. I may quite possibly be a boozehound. I'm sorry for this. I wish... I wish I could be more perfect for you.
I wish I could be more attractive for you. I wish I could be half as handsome as you. And most of all, I wish I could stop envying you.
I appreciate all you've done for me, even if I've been bitter towards you. I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I have been. Not that I'm saying you don't respect me- as you do, despite what others say- but I do wish you'd be more fair. That's the thing. I don't know quite how to say how unfair you're being without sounding like a rather indecisive prick.
The main point though is that I don't think you understand who and what I am. It's difficult to, I will give you that, but my status, my position in this world cannot be changed. You are my alpha, and I accept that. But despite being a beta, I do need specific care. I must sometimes be allowed control.
It is for my body, and my mind. It is for my sanity. It is for so many things that are far expanded beyond just simple lust.
Just bend slightly for me, and I will never break.
It is with this request, my love, if you will accept it, that I am yours. From this point forth, I pledge myself to you. If you will allow me every so often, to top you, I shall be loyal always for as long as I have you and you are around. I will do as you wish. I will be your servant. Your slave. Your loyal little slut. My body is yours. My mind is yours. And in any case I ever earn a soul, that will be forever yours as well. Do you understand my attachment to you? I quite literally give you me. I quite literally allow you ownership of my very soul. I allow you to make me what I am, a pure object.
But you will never treat me that way, despite what others see.
And this is what I love best about you.
