Well. Here's the story. Just a warning, it's long and depressing...
So, I've become a mother. My boyfriend and I had a little baby girl who we named Isabelle Leighanne. Born July 14th 2006 at 2:32 PM. Thing is. We have decided to give her up for adoption. There's just no way we are able to take care of a child at this point in our life. So we chose a very lovely couple who aren't able to have children of their own. We agreed to have an open adoption, and these people are simply amazing. They said we can visit her whenever we can, and we're going to correspond via letters and pictures, email, and video conferencing. They're allowing us to be part of Isabelle's life, and that makes me so happy. Though actually going through with it and signing the papers...handing her over to them hurt more than anything. It hurt us both because we didn't know just how attatched we'd get and how deeply we'd fall in love with her. My parents well...despised our decision. My mom not so much. My dad on the other hand has lost it. He wanted me to keep her so bad that he even went so far as to kick me out of the house, take away my car and health insurance and leave me with nothing but 30 dollars to my name and whatever I could manage to pack up from my room. So now I'm living with my boyfriend till I can find another place to live (he's living with his dad at the moment). I've pretty much lost everything. My beautiful daughter (well, she isn't completely lost...but she's no longer legally mine), my two dogs, my pet rat (I couldn't find anyone who would take her so I had to set her free), my insurance, my family, and my car. I'm also jobless as of now and found out I can only get medicaid till I turn 19 (which will be October 30th) because it's only supposed to be for those who have children, expecting mothers, and disabled people. Also getting a dorm at the college I'm going to is looking to be almost impossible (they want 200 up front and that's 200 dollars I don't have). So in hopes of getting help from my parents (we're on friendly terms again..well, my mom and I that is, my mom misses me and wants me to come back) I call up my mom and explain the dorm and health insurance situation. She says it isn't her decision, so she calls my dad up and talks to him about it. Calls me back and gives me the most bullcrap news ever. He told her that the only way he'll welcome me back into the house is if I break up with my boyfriend (my dad developed a random hatred for him for no reason), then goes to say I can move back in but if I don't break up with Tim he'll leave my mom and move out of the house. So I've decided I'm not going to mess up anyone else's life. I've done enough damage it seems and I feel like the worst person in the world. It's bad enough I had to give my baby up to show that I love her and want her to have a happy life. It hurts even more that I can't give her the life I want to right now and wish so bad that I could.
Anyway...end rant. Sorry for such a long depressing post.
So, I've become a mother. My boyfriend and I had a little baby girl who we named Isabelle Leighanne. Born July 14th 2006 at 2:32 PM. Thing is. We have decided to give her up for adoption. There's just no way we are able to take care of a child at this point in our life. So we chose a very lovely couple who aren't able to have children of their own. We agreed to have an open adoption, and these people are simply amazing. They said we can visit her whenever we can, and we're going to correspond via letters and pictures, email, and video conferencing. They're allowing us to be part of Isabelle's life, and that makes me so happy. Though actually going through with it and signing the papers...handing her over to them hurt more than anything. It hurt us both because we didn't know just how attatched we'd get and how deeply we'd fall in love with her. My parents well...despised our decision. My mom not so much. My dad on the other hand has lost it. He wanted me to keep her so bad that he even went so far as to kick me out of the house, take away my car and health insurance and leave me with nothing but 30 dollars to my name and whatever I could manage to pack up from my room. So now I'm living with my boyfriend till I can find another place to live (he's living with his dad at the moment). I've pretty much lost everything. My beautiful daughter (well, she isn't completely lost...but she's no longer legally mine), my two dogs, my pet rat (I couldn't find anyone who would take her so I had to set her free), my insurance, my family, and my car. I'm also jobless as of now and found out I can only get medicaid till I turn 19 (which will be October 30th) because it's only supposed to be for those who have children, expecting mothers, and disabled people. Also getting a dorm at the college I'm going to is looking to be almost impossible (they want 200 up front and that's 200 dollars I don't have). So in hopes of getting help from my parents (we're on friendly terms again..well, my mom and I that is, my mom misses me and wants me to come back) I call up my mom and explain the dorm and health insurance situation. She says it isn't her decision, so she calls my dad up and talks to him about it. Calls me back and gives me the most bullcrap news ever. He told her that the only way he'll welcome me back into the house is if I break up with my boyfriend (my dad developed a random hatred for him for no reason), then goes to say I can move back in but if I don't break up with Tim he'll leave my mom and move out of the house. So I've decided I'm not going to mess up anyone else's life. I've done enough damage it seems and I feel like the worst person in the world. It's bad enough I had to give my baby up to show that I love her and want her to have a happy life. It hurts even more that I can't give her the life I want to right now and wish so bad that I could.
Anyway...end rant. Sorry for such a long depressing post.
stupid
cat
